Posted on August 9, 2016
April 3, 2016 – Helena, Montana
Has it been a year and a half…?
My father would be ashamed. I’m thinking about anything other than the lyrics on the projector screen. Anything to shield my ears. Nice church, though. New. Welcoming. My new hosts are to my right, singing along to God-knows-who.
Forgive me lord, for I am a harsh critic.
I shake hands with some nearby people, who appear to be very friendly. I say hello to a new acquaintance whom I met at dinner the night before, moments after my arrival in Helena. My thoughts then drift to that evening, in which I met my hosts and a number of missionaries that accompanied them to the Philippines recently to do God’s work. It was a nice first supper, followed by reflections on their trip – a group conversation that took up most of the night. Interesting and all, but should I be involved in such an intimate discussion?
The pastor begins his sermon. I’m listening, but I’m also reliving the spectacular drive here from Iowa. Through South Dakota, the northeast corner of Wyoming, then along the southern portion of Montana. He makes points about being present in a world where distractions abound. Paying attention to friends, to loved ones, to God. Severing the psychological cord that connects our cell phones to our hands.
Preach, brother.
This is one of the most beautiful states I’ve seen in my past travels, and I’ve barely scratched the surface. There is work to be done, places to be explored, and relationships to be created. It’s time to seize the day.
Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. – James 4:14
Posted on July 14, 2016
March 18, 2016 – Lutsen, Minnesota
What else can I get rid of?
It’s my last day at the resort, and I’m minimizing my belongings as I load up my car. A welcome and necessary pre-relocating tradition. I add a shirt to the “Goodwill” bag. My time here has come with its share of firsts – residing at a resort, snowboarding, cross country skiing, volunteering at a food pantry, exploring Canada. It will be missed…
But not half as much as the people that live here.
A pair of pants gets tossed into the bag as I wonder who I’ll miss working with the most. Is it the head chef, one of the most intelligent, caring, and gentle human beings I’ve ever met? Or my food and beverage manager – extraordinarily talented, entertaining, and wise? The sassy, set-in-her-ways, ex-cop-turned-server out of Chicago known as “Gramma?”
I place a book into the bag. I could describe the characteristics of the many other individuals who will be missed, such as the fellow bartending, balding Iowan. The hustlin’, no-time-havin’ party boy. The tatted-up, wanderlusting intellectual. Our hilarious, straight-talkin’ Jamaican supervisor. The young, attractive females that hit the slopes with me, explored with me, lived with me.
People from all over the world, all walks of life, all unique in their own way.
It’s the people that make my stays motivating. Memorable.
Meaningful.
“I think young people should go and go and go… until life doesn’t let you.” – Gramma Gay
Posted on July 4, 2016
End: Year One, Lutsen, Minnesota
Reflections: 2015.
The most challenging and rewarding year of my life thus far.
The world has opened up to me in a way in which I never knew was possible. Or possibly, I never knew which way to open myself up to the world.
Until now.
Spending time with four hosts across Minnesota this year, I’ve encountered many different people, communities, environments, and feelings. Each time I stop somewhere for an extended period of time, it seems that certain forces try to draw me in. Is it the people? Nature? Myself? God? Regardless, these forces are welcoming. Alluring. Powerful.
When we break the chains that bind us to our conditioned existence, is it truly possible to do anything? To feel comfortable anywhere, with anyone, under any circumstance?
Can human beings be permanently content with a lifestyle that breeds constant change in environment, fleeting relationships, and eternal impermanence? If we leave pieces of ourselves with people and places as we go, can we still feel whole?
I am fascinated by this experience, by this existence. This way of life. It has captivated my mind, given my body a greater sense of purpose, and nourished my soul in a way I can’t describe in words. I feel somewhat enlightened, evolved.
I must continue.
Deciding to pass over North Dakota for now, I begin my time in Montana on the first of April.
“Nothing endures but change.” – Heraclitus
Posted on June 13, 2016
December 29, 2015 – Lutsen, Minnesota
What a beautiful woman.
Even if she did just break my six hundred dollar smart phone. Which she will deny. Either way, I’m thankful that the stars aligned in such a way that I was able to have a friend, whom I met earlier this year in Crosslake, become my roommate over the winter. Not that I would be opposed to meeting someone new, but having the opportunity to further our friendship is a blessing.
And so is the loss of such an expensive piece of technology.
Do I really need a smart phone, given my current lifestyle?
How much time do I waste checking my Facebook account multiple times a day?
Watching Snapchat videos?
I have a laptop, GPS, iPod, camera… I think I can live without a smartphone. Actually, I only lived in the world of smart phones for two years before it failed me. Sure, it was extremely convenient to have all of those devices rolled into one, but at what cost? I serve people who sit across from each other at the table, looking down at their devices. Saying nothing. Engaging with no one. I have had to wait for people to remove their phones from the table (directly in front of them) so I could set their food down. That’s how attached we are to technology, and how detached we are from the present moment.
This is the world we’re living in.
Is that the kind of person that I want to be? No attention span, constantly seeking entertainment or information or status updates or funny videos or celebrity memes? Or should I strive to be a person who can muster up enough self-discipline to be whole-heartedly present in the moment when I am spending time with someone that I care about?
Time that so quickly passes us by when our minds are distracted from the present.
“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – Buddha
Posted on June 1, 2016
November 29, 2015 – Lutsen, Minnesota
Another holiday sacrificed to humanity in the books.
I’m utilizing the resort’s swimming pool, reflecting on the recent Thanksgiving week. As per usual in the food service industry, I had to work the holiday. It’s only half bad this year, as I took a few days beforehand and made a trip to the twin cities to see family and friends. And attend my first Vikings game. And play volleyball in my underwear at a friend’s apartment’s community pool, apparently.
But let’s not get off topic.
I never really considered missing certain holidays a big deal as an adult, since my extended family stopped getting together for them years ago. Thanksgiving in particular. I always knew that it was disappointing to my immediate family, but they understand, right? After a while, it just became normal for me to be working during such holidays. Looking back, though, I wonder… has there always been more to it than that?
Maybe I’m just experiencing a moment of meditative clarity in the water, but what if I’ve always subconsciously felt a certain responsibility to serve other families during the holidays? Is it any sort of coincidence that even now when I’m not serving my hosts, I’m still serving and taking care of the general public when they’re in my “home?”
Am I just now realizing this due to my new lifestyle?
Lifeguarding, food service, direct care for the mentally ill, health coaching… has my work history helped shape my current path, or is there some sort of innate force that has guided me in my chosen fields of work?
Or maybe these thoughts are an attempt to justify my actions. Justify my choices.
Justify my existence.
“Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness.” – Napoleon Hill
Posted on May 16, 2016
November 1, 2015 – Finland, Minnesota
I hate saying goodbye.
So much so that I completely avoid it when I can. Hence, here I am at 8:17am waking up and moving on to my next location without saying goodbye to the naturalists. Without saying goodbye to Sarah.
Yesterday was a blast. The “nats” invited me to a rock climbing session at the environmental learning center, which was followed by attending a “Haunted Hotel” for local kids. A few of the girls (Sarah and two others) were asked to oversee a coloring station and extended the invitation my way.
How could I say no?
After many a bat-mask was colored, we left the hotel and prepared for the evening’s main event: the prestigious Finland Halloween party. My costume was simple, cheap, and colorful – a “True American.” White nursing pants, red McDonald’s shirt, blue cloth cape, plastic American-flag-style top hat, an empty tin can labeled “lard” with a freshly-carved wooden spoon, and the piece de resistance – a mini statue of a bald eagle, strapped down and positioned on top of my shoulder.
‘Murica.
But Nick, wouldn’t that hinder your beer pong game? Well, maybe. But it certainly didn’t stop Sarah and I from mopping the floor with the competition. Which was only a personal highlight. Everything else was great – the wonderful people and their amazing costumes, great food, contests, games… the perfect party. I didn’t want it to end.
And apparently, she didn’t either. When we got back, Sarah asked if I wanted to watch a movie on her laptop. What do I look like, a stupid American? We decided on “The Addams Family.” How appropriate. So there we were, basically cuddled up next to each other on the couch, watching a movie. The perfect end to the night.
But could it be better? Should I take the risk going in for a kiss, or completely avoid damaging a healthy and very welcome friendship? She’s given me no real signal other than being a super nice friend. And she knows what my “plan” is. I’ll be thirty miles away for the next five months… but then it’s on to the next state. Why would she want to get involved? Potentially regrettably, I decide on the latter course of action. I say goodnight after the movie, knowing that it may be the last time I see her.
Nomad world problems.
“Unless one says goodbye to what one loves, and unless one travels to completely new territories, one can expect merely a long wearing away of oneself and an eventual extinction.” – Jean Dubuffet
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