October 6, 2015 – Finland, Minnesota

Sober October is so much easier in the middle of the woods.

It was a year ago when I stumbled upon the cause, riding through the London Underground in late September. Oddly enough, I saw the ad for “Sober October” on my way back to our hostel, as I forgot my credentials – things that are most definitely required to attend a pub crawl. Help people with cancer and give my liver a break for a month? Good idea.

Spending that October with my Californian family was a bit challenging, but I persevered. I couldn’t remember the last time I went an entire month without having a drink. Probably before I actually started drinking at 19. Ten years ago. Not that I would say I have a drinking problem per se, but it served as a nice reminder of being in control of oneself. Bodily mastery.

Could I go for two months next year?

I decided that I would make it an annual practice, and it will likely be much easier this year. After all, I should be spending most of my time this month away from civilization, dealing with next to no stress, and receiving zero peer pressure. That, and I find it much easier to say no to someone if I’ve never drank with them before. Which is what I had to do with my new host, who has a couple beers every night with dinner.

A small price to pay.

No man is free who is not master of himself.” – Epictetus

October 5, 2015 – Finland, Minnesota

I can’t believe people do this.

I’m being chauffeured up the most ridiculous “road” I’ve ever encountered – an old logging road that hasn’t been maintained in years. My driver is a friend of my new hosts; he lives in a tepee on their property. What an interesting dude. I have a lot of questions for him, but I can’t get over how treacherous this road is. After fifteen minutes or so, we arrive at the residence known as “The Long Haul.”

How appropriate.

It’s then that I meet the family – Steven and Amelia, and their kids, Galvin and Genavive. Their home is a modified cabin, consisting of a loft area, kitchen/dining area, front room, and a porch. A very small and efficient space for four. I made it right in time for dinner: bear lentil soup. What will this month have in store for me?

I’m introduced to my living quarters immediately following dinner. For someone who now considers himself a minimalist, it’s almost perfect – a structure built on a trailer that contains two bunk beds, some storage areas, and a tiny kitchen area equipped with a wood stove. There’s a light, and there are outlets for my electronics. Solar power provides the electricity. No running water. This will do just fine. Steven demonstrates how to operate the stove and wishes me goodnight. I reciprocate.

I start a fire and get into bed, wondering how my time here will measure up to my last host.

A person needs at intervals to separate himself from family and companions and go to new places. He must go without familiars in order to be open to influences, to change.” – Katharine Butler Hathaway

September 24, 2015 – Finland, Minnesota

Hoo, hoo hoo…”

Almost as if on cue, we’re greeted by a horned owl as we walk towards the grove. My host is leading the way, torch in hand. He gently strikes the gong with a mallet before entering the druid circle. We follow suit, one by one. I’ve never met people so in touch with nature. He blesses the circle with the torch before placing it away from the center.

Druidism is free of any set practices or beliefs; rather, it embraces diversity and spirituality. It focuses on the divinity of nature. Fostering community. Cultivating love, wisdom, and creativity. Today marks the autumn equinox – an astronomical event in which day and night are of nearly equal duration across the entire planet. To my hosts, it marks the end of their harvest season. Enter a time of reduced stress, increased rest.

We form a circle around the center of the grove. Druids come together in circles (rather than rows) to affirm their unity, their equality. It acts as a symbol of one people, one world. One of us takes a sword around the edge of the grove, partially unsheathing it at each cardinal direction – exposing the blade to symbolically establish the space in peace. They recite inaudible words. Someone else repeats this process with some water, sprinkling it at each point. Another, with burning incense. This practice is to honor the four directions, praying for peace in each direction – the entire world.

After a brief meditative period, someone states whatever is on their mind. Maybe a recent event of some significance. Maybe something they are thankful for. I’m thankful for being a part of this, here, now. The ceremony reminds me of how out of touch I’ve been with nature. How most of us are.

Druids believe that all is connected and that we will harvest the consequences of our actions.

The ceremony concludes shortly after everyone has spoken their peace. One by one, we exit the circle, striking the gong on the way out. My host offers me the torch; I accept after briefly hesitating. Cross that off the list, I guess? Upon returning to the house, we part ways and I thank them again. I’m left feeling renewed, enlightened, and honored.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” – Galatians 6:7

September 23, 2015 – Finland, Minnesota

“And I will sing this song…”

My eyes are closed as I listen to a small chorus of mostly naked female naturalists, along with my hosts’ son, who is completely nude. I wish I had that kind of fearlessness.

“…And I will raise up to the night sky…”

This is my first experience in a real sauna, and I assume it’s not the typical introduction. The space is limited to begin with, and it doesn’t help that we have nine people. These are the kinds of experiences I’m looking for, right?

“…And I will sing this song…”

Advection warms the room as I pour water on the heater; we all feel the blast of steam. It’s enough for some to step out momentarily, save myself and two others. Well, I might as well get this over with now. I head to the corner and engage in a sorely needed sponge bath.

“…I do believe I’m back on solid ground…”

The experience spawns thoughts of a time when this practice would have been much more commonplace. A time when we had to do more than flip a switch to light up a room. Twist a knob to receive a steady stream of hot water. A time when we were less focused on the superfluous. Less obsessed with fantasy.

A time when all we had was each other.

“…I do believe I’m back on solid ground.”

“In the frenzy of modern life we lose sight of the real value of humanity. People become the sum total of what they produce. Human beings act like machines whose function is to make money. This is absolutely wrong. The purpose of making money is the happiness of humankind, not the other way round. Humans are not for money, money is for humans. We need enough to live, so money is necessary, but we also need to realize that if there is too much attachment to wealth, it does not help at all. As the saints of India and Tibet tell us, the wealthier one becomes, the more suffering one endures.” – Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

September 15, 2015 – Finland, Minnesota

This can’t be happening.

I’m holding a past lover in my arms, wading through a public swimming pool. We must be on a romantic getaway… but where? Just us? As I start questioning the reality of this situation more and more, the dream quickly ends. These seem to be happening more often as of late…

…what do they signify?

I’ve already reached the halfway mark with my new hosts. We’ve spent most of our work hours harvesting vegetables and divvying them out in shares for delivery. I’ve also been fortunate enough to participate in some farm-related activities such as attending a farmer’s market in town, a harvest festival in Duluth, and a ceremony for a nearby environmental learning center, of which David and Lise (my hosts) are heavily attached to. I haven’t witnessed this level of community in a long time. Being a CSA farm (community-supported agriculture), Round River and those involved with it act as a driving force behind the local community. Truly inspiring.

…Maybe that’s it?

These dreams feature past love interests whom I was connected to during a time in which I thought of myself as being fully integrated into a community. Going on walks around the neighborhood with the individuals I supported. Attending the special olympics with them. Organizing their social gatherings.

Is it just a natural subconscious defense mechanism to call upon such cherished memories when I’m currently feeling like an outsider in such a tight-knit community? Feeling more and more alone as I venture out from familiar territory?

“We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.” – Dorothy Day

September 7, 2015 – Finland, Minnesota

From riches to rags.

Well, not exactly. But this is quite the opposite set-up compared to my last host. The community cabin for the farm workers has no running water, no bathroom, limited electricity due to the solar panels…

God, we’re so spoiled.

Being in a place like this serves as a nice wake-up call for a guy who has been living in “modern society” his entire life. There’s an outhouse out back. We have to boil water to wash dishes. Laundry is hung on railings to dry. Fridge space is… lacking. At least there’s internet access.

Even with less amenities, however, this place would still be worth spending time in. This is my first experience along the north shore of Minnesota, and it truly is beautiful. Waterfalls, mountains, endless forests, Lake Superior. I’d gladly give up some modern conveniences for this.

I received a warm welcome from the crew: a guitar-playing hippie dude, a dumpster-diving girl on a bicycle trip across America, and a few other seemingly normal individuals. Speaking of giving up conveniences… could I ever do something like that? I’m sitting here talking about fridge space, and this girl is biking from farm to farm across the country with a couple backpacks and a tent. Now that’s minimalism. She’s telling us stories about getting kicked out of parks when trying to get some sleep. Getting denied when asking for fruit that was being thrown into a trash can at a grocery store.

What a brave individual.

I used to think that people of her character were somewhat poor or piteous. Low. It wasn’t until I started living a semi-homeless lifestyle that my opinion on the matter truly shifted. Now I strive to be more like this type of person. Making hard life choices to encourage sustainability. Efficiency. Minimalism.

Freedom.

In the West, you have bigger homes, yet smaller families; you have endless conveniences – yet you never seem to have any time. You can travel anywhere in the world, yet you don’t bother to cross the road to meet your neighbors.” – Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

August 12, 2015 – Crosslake, Minnesota

Before we know it, we see another meteor.

What an incredible night. One of my friends hosted a fire/party tonight, which led up to a midnight boat ride on one of the clearest nights I’ve seen in a long time. He tells us that we’re watching the Perseids meteor shower, which stem from the Perseus constellation. He mentions the Pleiades star cluster. I’m trying to listen, but I’m also very entranced with the evening. This is the highlight of my summer.

Someone starts playing music, but I ask them to turn it off. Can we just enjoy this pristine moment for a minute? I can’t remember the last time I star-gazed. So serene. Tranquil. I never went to a camp as a kid, but this summer feels pretty close to what I imagine that would be like. I’ve made some incredible friends, and I’ve spent more time outside than I have in… years?

I will miss this place and these people, but I don’t plan on coming back.

As much as I’d like to, I can’t. I know that I struggle in these kinds of environments. I get washed up in the party culture. Easily influenced. Even if I wasn’t planning on moving to a new state next year, it would be a bad idea to spend more time here. It’s bad enough that I have a genetic predisposition for developing alcoholism.

We dock the boat and decide to take a dip in the water. A perfect end to the evening. A perfect end to the summer. I keep thinking how grateful I am to be here, but also how excited I am to move on. There’s so much more to see. More to do.

More stars to gaze upon.

If you abide in one particular place, you’re stuck, because you’re attached. On the other hand, if you abide everywhere, in the whole world, you’re not attached to anything, so you’re free. As soon as you get attached… you’re abiding somewhere and the suffering begins.” – Bernie Glassman

July 26, 2015 – Crosslake, Minnesota

I’m a model, currently living in L.A…”

…Says the most drop dead gorgeous girl I’ve talked to this summer. Far fetched, but I’d believe it. I tell her that I work here, and point to my mom and step-dad as I inform her that they are here for a visit. Her friends are talking to my parents as they wait for a drink, and I’m thinking, “Uh oh.”

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It’s been a good weekend so far. I’ve shown my parents around a bit, but mostly we’ve just spent time soaking up the sun on the dock. Well deserved. It’s nice to see them get away from the cities, even for just a couple days. Minneapolis can really take its toll on people.

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This girl is in her mid-twenties, here with a bachelorette party. Before she walks away from the bar to regroup with her friends, she tells me that she would definitely be interested if she lived in the area. Jesus, what is going on in this place?

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My mom is using an inflatable tube to float on the lake at the end of the dock. Too bad we can’t take one of the boats out. She always wanted a life of luxury, similar to my father. He had told me on more than one occasion about his dream home – a cabin in the middle of the woods somewhere. I’m not sure about my mother’s, but I imagine it would be something like this.

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I take a drink and tell my mom about what just happened. We’ve always had a pretty open line of communication about the opposite sex. We decide that I can come right back after I take them home. I approach Miss L.A. on the way out and put her number into my phone. I may be at the height of my confidence.

I drop my parents off and head to meet the group at the next bar. Upon walking in, I see her amidst a large crowd. Time for a drink. I order one and see some friends on the other side of the bar. I decide to talk to them instead of immediately approaching Miss L.A. During our conversation, however, I glance over and see her talking to her friends. Then it dawns on me. She is here for them. Wouldn’t I want my friends there for me on such an occasion? I decide to wrap up my conversation and sneak out of the bar unnoticed. Clearly this new lifestyle is forcing me to be more cautious and mindful in my decision making. Sightaking the high road sucks.

My best life advice: Take the high road. No matter how much stress, or strain, or consternation you are facing, take the high road. You will never regret it.” – Tim Gunn

July 23, 2015 – Crosslake, Minnesota

Oh, there you are. You’ve been away for awhile.

I’m sitting in a meditative stance underwater, submersed up to my neck. I just went for a jog – the first since I’ve been here. It’s easy to get distracted in environments like this… working almost non-stop, socializing as much as possible. Indulging in the sauce. The thought of recentering resonates in my mind for a minute as my body sways back and forth with the incoming waves. This past month has been nothing less than a whirlwind of activity.

Maybe “alcoholic monsoon” is more appropriate.

I have the whole place to myself for the next week, as my hosts recently left on a motorcycle trip across the country. Not that I have much time to enjoy it. Between the work and the work and the work, I’ve had little time to do much else. I get plenty of exercise with my jobs, but these brief moments of relaxation and reflection have definitely been lacking. What’s more important, Nick?

You’d think that a health and wellness major would make more time for this.

Funny how that works. The less time we spend focusing on our holistic health, the farther we grow apart from ourselves. Man, I could go for some yoga right now. I tell myself that I’ll have more free time this fall when I’m not working so much. Work hard enough now, and you won’t need a paying job this fall. Sold.

I cherish this brief moment of calm before the next storm approaches: the ensuing visit from my mom and step dad this weekend.

It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.” – Mahatma Gandhi

July 18, 2015 – Crosslake, Minnesota

Well, this takes me back.

I feel much too old to be hanging out with these college-aged co-workers of mine at a bonfire-turned-house party, but how could I possibly say no? They’re young, attractive, and Minnesota nice. Did I say house party? Because it feels more like a mansion to my standards. It’s no secret, though; there is a lot of money in areas like these. My friend is giving me the tour of the place, which turns into an aerobic workout. What a luxurious living space.

I could care about the multitude of amenities that this household provides. The game room that is entertaining all of us this evening. The basement bar that we’re drinking in. The fabulous view of the lake from the fire pit.

But I don’t.

Don’t get me wrong, all of these things are pretty amazing in their own right. But my focus is elsewhere. It’s on the people in front of me. The short time I have with them. The things we surround ourselves with don’t really matter. What matters is that we appreciate each others’ company. Then it hits me…

I’m halfway through my time here already.

It’s hard not to get a little depressed with the thought of leaving this place and these people. Leaving the family that I’ve spent eight cumulative months with. Do I let these thoughts hinder the rest of my experience here, or use them as motivation to embrace the present even more so?

Happiness, not in another place but this place… not for another hour, but this hour.” – Walt Whitman