Posted on January 19, 2017
July 1, 2016 – Hungry Horse, Montana
You’d think that I would be in a better mood.
I certainly should be. The sun is setting, and I’m drifting with Miri in a kayak on the Hungry Horse reservoir. My favorite spot. But I’m agitated, and she calls me on it. My reasons are myriad – staying late at work due to the local farmer’s market that we participate in, people yelling at each other on the beach when we launched the kayak, a nearby boat cranking terrible music, and some jet skis revving their noisy engines.
How can I possibly relax and enjoy nature with all of this going on?
“I think I may be sliding farther away from society…” I tell her. Or maybe I’m becoming more nature-based as a person? Whatever it is, I feel like these annoyances are weighing on me more so now than they have in the past.
Miri talks me into a better mood. She typically has that effect on me. Just look where you are, Nick.
Breathe.
Relax.
We take one more minute before leaving to take in the beauty of the mountains, the water, the sun.
The calm.
“I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection.” – Thomas Paine
Posted on January 7, 2017
June 23, 2016 – Somewhere over Wyoming?
Part 1: Departing Flight
“Mir. Sleep.”
I’m writing a note to myself on my hand – a reminder to inform Miriam that she can sleep on my bed in the tool shed while I’m gone if she so desires. I would if I were her. I imagine one would get tired of being woken up at God-knows-what-time from the sounds of dogs walking, doors opening, food cooking.
I look out the plane window to glance at the endless mountains. So much to behold. Five days apart should be good for both of us, we concurred. These chance encounters can be confusing. Distracting. Enjoyable. I mostly worry that in her attempt to escape her known reality for a time, a time in which massive transformation can occur, she may hold on a bit too dearly to a person who has been by her side during much of that process.
I am uncertain of what I want from her. Where I want our relationship to go.
If I want a relationship at all.
Part 2: Connecting Flight
Since my departing flight was delayed by forty minutes due to inclement weather, my fellow passengers and I were all pretty anxious on the tarmac. Pacing. Exhaling heavily. Checking the time. Come on, come on, come on. When our bags were finally brought out to us, I ran like the wind to make my connecting flight. When I arrived, they were boarding my section.
Thank God.
I look out the plane window to glance at the air traffic control operators. Baggage handlers. Attendants. As we start moving, I look to my right. The seat is empty. Wait a second…
The seat next to me on the first flight was empty.
Both flights were/are nearly at full capacity. What are the odds? A gentleman two seats over is playing solitaire on his phone. I’m heading to a wedding in Iowa. A wedding.
The symbolism of loneliness is unmistakable.
“Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.” – Paul Tillich
Posted on December 26, 2016
June 22, 2016 – Hungry Horse, Montana
“You have a routine of change,”
Miri says to me as we hike down from a waterfall in Columbia Mountain, where we had a brief midday meditation session. We’re talking more about my lifestyle – our views on frequent travel and the pros and cons that inherently come with it.
A routine of change. The phrase speaks to me.
The conversation produces thoughts about “Into The Wild,” a movie we recently watched together. I read the book earlier in the year after enough people suggested it to me, apparently drawing some correlation between my life and that of Christopher McCandless. I can see some similarities; however, his journey was focused more on solitude and living in nature.
“He was flirting with permanence,”
I say to Miri in regard to a time in Chris’s life when he discovered a potential love interest, of which he ultimately decided to leave behind in his pursuit of the raw, real life experience that only Alaska can provide.
Flirting with permanence. The phrase speaks to us both.
We discuss the meaning of some of his last written words – “Happiness only real when shared.” I can’t say that I have had the experiences that Chris did, but from my own, I would agree with him. A life based on a routine of change has proven to be as exciting and fulfilling as I dreamed it would be, but the human connections that I develop on the way are proving to be the real driving force.
Exhibit A: Miri.
“But for some reason incomprehensible to me you wanted nothing but to bolt for home as quickly as possible, right back to the same situation which you see day after day after day. I fear you will follow this same inclination in the future and thus fail to discover all the wonderful things that God has placed around us to discover. Don’t settle down and sit in one place. Move around, be nomadic, make each day a new horizon.” – Christopher McCandless
Posted on November 10, 2016
June 5 , 2016 – Hungry Horse, Montana
Traveling always seems to bring me down.
Not in a bad way, but more like a “I wish I could afford to do this all the time” way. I recently returned from Seattle, where I visited an old friend and also watched Moderat put on one of the greatest shows I’ve ever witnessed. I guess some recent family drama also weighs in to my present psychological state, but that’s nearly a constant in my life.
However, the new arrival has helped in relieving said psychological stress. Miri (Miriam) and I seem to have quite a number of things in common: we share a passion for adventure, a bit of a troubled background/family history, interest in music, and a strong desire to learn, grow, and foster change in the world. Not only do we work together on the farm nearly every day, but we’ve also hiked Huckleberry Mountain in Glacier, gone canoeing with our hosts in Lion Lake, and just returned from a rafting trip in the Flathead River.
Is this real life?
I can’t help but feel some attraction in the air. This girl is quite a bit younger than I am, yet it seems that such an age gap is becoming less relevant in relation to this lifestyle. As I travel, I’m continually placed in environments in which the people I interact with are mostly either young and free or older and settled down. Miri in particular also seems quite a bit more mature than most – certainly more than I was at her age.
Which makes me wonder: is modern technology and society making younger people more mature, or is it that this lifestyle makes me feel that much younger?
“Those who improve with age embrace the power of personal growth and personal achievement and begin to replace youth with wisdom, innocence with understanding, and lack of purpose with self-actualization.” – Bo Bennett
Updated on March 9, 2017
May 18, 2016 – Hungry Horse, Montana
Places I never thought I’d spend a month or more living in:
-a pristine guest cabin (Crosslake, Minnesota)
-a camper/trailer (Finland, Minnesota)
-employee housing at a resort (Lutsen, Minnesota)
-a tool shed (Hungry Horse, Montana)
But here I am.
And currently, I’d rather be nowhere else.
I’m only a couple weeks in, but I think the next few months will be nothing short of amazing. At the farm, we are constructing a greenhouse. This has included leveling the land, building raised beds that will line the inside and outside walls, forming the inside frames from PVC piping, securing the plastic outer lining, and making wood panels for the front and back sides. I am joined by another traveler named Brittany who seems reserved and very nice.
At the kitchen in the resort (where I’m working for Meg as well), I’m learning the finer points of food preparation in a commercial setting. I’ve worked as a line cook before, but this is quite different. I’m also gaining experience in the realm of catering. All I can say at the moment is how impressed I am at the quality and quantity of food that Meg creates here. I’m also working with Tom’s daughter – a down-to-earth, hard working woman.
And then there’s the surrounding area. Exploring in northwestern Montana is… unbelievable. On one hand, I think that when I leave here, I’ll be upset with myself for not seeing as much as I could have. On the other, I know that I’ll appreciate and value every moment I had.
For the present is the only thing of which a man can be deprived, if it is true that this is the only thing which he has, and that a man cannot lose a thing if he has it not.” – Marcus Aurelius
Posted on October 4, 2016
May 1, 2016 – Hungry Horse, Montana
The landscape of this state is nothing short of magnificent.
I’m on my way to host number six. Heading west out of Helena, I-90 takes me through Missoula (with a pit stop in the ghost town of Garnet). There, I am surrounded by the Bitterroot Mountains to the west, Sapphire range to the south, Garnet range to the southeast, Rattlesnake range to the east, and the Reservation Divide to the northeast. Unreal. Continuing north via highway 93, I pass through St. Ignatius while fighting the urge to stare at the Mission mountains on my right. Further on, Flathead Lake proves equally worthy of my attention. Finally, I pass through Bar Rock Canyon and find my hosts in Hungry Horse, a small town nestled between Flathead National Forest and Glacier National Park.
What will I do with my free time?
My hosts appear kind and very welcoming. Meg is the head chef at a local rafting company and also owns a catering company. Tom is an ex-military man currently working for a lumber company. They seem to make a good team with their diverse skill sets. I should be able to learn a lot here.
For dinner, Meg serves halibut cheeks and scallops, steamed asparagus, cabbage, and an orange peel/kiwi/grapefruit salad. Dessert is a banana chocolate cake topped with fresh blueberries and strawberries. Sweet lord. Before bed, Tom shows me a 3-D map of Glacier, pointing out some of his favorite spots.
Tomorrow can’t come fast enough.
“I’m in love with Montana. For other states I have admiration, respect, recognition, even some affection. But with Montana it is love.” – John Steinbeck
Posted on September 6, 2016
April 30, 2016 – Helena, Montana
Time’s up.
Though my hosts have offered me an extended stay, it’s time to move on to the next place. The next family. The next adventure.
We’re watching “Beasts Of No Nation,” a movie about a young boy who is forced into becoming a child soldier due to the spreading war in his country. Observing his inner struggle to adapt to his new life encourages thoughts of my own struggle. My psychological war with myself.
How long can I deny myself the inherent human desires for deep relationships, stability, and growing in a community?
Will the excitement of continual exploration, growth, and experience outweigh my selfish human needs and wants?
Which will win the war – my head, or my heart?
“Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.” – Orison Swett Marden
Posted on September 1, 2016
April 24, 2016 – Helena, Montana
If I didn’t know I was in Montana, this place would make it apparent.
I mean… the door handles are actual deer antlers. The ten commandments are displayed on a stretched out animal hide. I take a seat before the sermon starts, and two separate older individuals introduce themselves to me as they walk by. Montana nice? I notice that the chandeliers are made from old wagon wheels and horseshoes. There’s a fireplace in the corner with rocking chairs nearby.
He doesn’t do this much anymore, but when offered, my host will guest speak at local churches. When he invited me to “Last Chance Chapel” I thought, How could I miss this? Even if I was some sort of atheist, I would still view this as an opportunity to witness a passionate man share his thoughts and beliefs in front of a small crowd.
His sermon begins with a review of his recent time in Nepal and the Philippines, working with children, spreading the good word. Something I would never be comfortable with in my current relationship with God, but I fully respect people that are. I don’t catch all of his points, but the premise of the sermon is very clear: the word of God stands forever. It will carry on endlessly, serving as a “blueprint for life.” In our personal conversations, he has alluded to this more than once.
The blueprint for life.
Such an idea is precisely what I left behind. Whether the blueprint is religious, societal, familial… I want nothing to do with it. In a way, I followed a blueprint for numerous years of my adult life: going to school, attempting to secure a career, buying shiny new things. Working more so I could consume more. Pay my debt faster. Unknowingly drowning out my dissatisfaction with Netflix, video games, alcohol. Marching to the same drum beat as most of my friends and family. And thank God I finally discovered the solution to my problem –
Creating my own blueprint for life.
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” – Albert Camus
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