Updated on June 18, 2017
April 18, 2017 – Bozeman, Montana
The events slated for my last day in this area are very apropos of my time here.
One: Explore and take pictures of a local trail and waterfall area. Two: Watch Thomas deliver a presentation at a local theater about making things (one of his primary areas of expertise). Three: Get together with him and Elisabeth after the show for dinner and drinks.
Leaving Big Sky is bittersweet; I will miss the place and most of the people, but I’m also very ready for a change. I foolishly and selfishly became attached to another coworker during my last couple weeks in Big Sky, which ended in getting myself hurt, in proper “me” fashion. Brilliant work, Nick. Spending the next six weeks in a more remote spot (Trout Lake, Washington) should be good for me. I need time to reset and find my balance.
My inner peace.
“To attain inner peace you must actually give your life, not just your possessions. When you at last give your life – bringing into alignment your beliefs and the way you live then, and only then, can you begin to find inner peace.” – Peace Pilgrim, Mildred Lisette Norman
Posted on June 11, 2017
February 7, 2017 – Bozeman, Montana
Left turn. Left turn. Left turn. MSU.
With enough bus rides to and from the same place, you begin to innately know what stop you’re arriving at or departing from without opening your eyes. You automatically memorize turns. Distances.
Left. Right. Left. Four Corners.
Upon arriving back from Iowa, the aforementioned manipulative female coworker quizzes me about my time there. Wanting to know if anything happened. No, but it could have. Why not? Why do you want to know?
The object of my affection, bane of my existence, and best friend here. All in one.
Right. Right. Meadow Village.
I decide to call her out on her shit. Mostly her behavior and how it has affected me during my time here. More importantly, this process leads me to admit my flaws. I open up about my state of mind being altered due to recent family issues. Issues that began months ago, but have bled into the present. Issues that will remain constant – impacting my emotions, behaviors, and attitude toward her. I’m not stable right now. Further, I admit that I had placed high hopes in this place, this season, and once we had our initial two-hour bus conversation, her.
I selfishly wanted someone to help me during this time. Or distract me from it.
Left. Right. Mountain Village Center.
I eventually discover that she is involved with someone else. That she just isn’t that into me, despite her previous actions that would tell another story. I struggle to accept this as reality. But I do, in time.
As difficult as my reality is for me to accept at this moment.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” – Lao Tzu
Updated on May 31, 2017
End: Year Two, Bozeman, Montana
Reflections: 2016.
Two years in now.
Although my year in Montana has come with more surprises than my year in Minnesota, I’m feeling more adjusted to my “routine of change.” It seems I’m becoming more of a seasonal worker (taking time off from paid jobs in the spring and fall). Arriving at new hosts is less nerve-wracking. More comfortable.
More normal.
I wrote of year one: “I am fascinated by this experience, by this existence. This way of life. It has captivated my mind, given my body a greater sense of purpose, and nourished my soul in a way I can’t describe in words. I feel somewhat enlightened, evolved.” These thoughts and feelings have only grown stronger in the year that followed.
I’d like to say that this lifestyle gets easier with time. But I can’t. Leaving people behind is as difficult as it ever was. Connections made through chance or providence feel all the more meaningful. Hence, it is these connections that continue to fascinate, motivate, and inspire me. The shifting landscapes serve as a living backdrop to the ongoing adventure.
And there are only more experiences to be had.
After the winter season ends, my journey continues to Washington.
“You know more of a road by having traveled it than by all the conjectures and descriptions in the world.” – William Hazlitt
Posted on May 27, 2017
January 12, 2017 – Bozeman, Montana
Well, I certainly hope this is my low point of the season.
In a nut shell, I tell Chad: “My car has been hit twice in two months while parked (without me in it, costing me $1,000 in deductible payments), I’ve been manipulated and emotionally abused by a coworker who involved herself with me (which nearly led me to acquiring my first DUI), and I lost my winter gloves and brand new snowboarding boots.”
I haven’t felt this down and out in a long time. The three-to-four-hour-per-workday bus ride is starting to weigh on me. I’m working days, which means limited opportunities to enjoy the mountain. I started a second job (out of monetary necessity), so that doesn’t help matters. I vent these frustrations to Chad in the hotel bar across the street. I admit to him that if it wasn’t for the friends I’ve made in Bozeman thus far (having met up with Kevin and Elisabeth earlier in the evening), I would nearly feel like I was mistaken to come here.
Chad sympathizes and cheers me up with some stories of his own recent endeavors. He always puts me in a better mood. He relates to the female drama in particular, describing someone’s behaviors that he has been spending time with as of late. I chalk the fault up to the type of people that typically work seasonal and resort jobs.
But that’s not really it, is it, Nicholas?
I’m the one that decided to leave my car on the farm where the first incident occurred.
I’m the one that failed to recognize erratic, insincere behavior (or neglected, rather).
I’m the one that allowed my emotions to control my actions, again and again.
I’m the one that lost my stuff. Nobody else.
Why is it that things seem to get worse when I focus more on my own needs?
We live in a culture in which we’re expected to spend a great deal of time trying to please ourselves in various ways. Yet it’s this very rushing to please ourselves that underlies our displeasure, unhappiness, and misery.” – Steve Hagen
Updated on May 17, 2017
October 22, 2016 – Maple Grove, Minnesota
Do we really need twenty-seven clothing stores here?
Thoughts from a man who has grown to despise shopping malls. Unfortunately (but most importantly, fortunately) for me, I picked up a temporary job within walking distance from my older brother’s apartment, and that job just happens to be in “The Shoppes at Arbor Lakes.” Ugh. To make things worse, they even have speakers planted in the ground that continuously pump out the latest garbage music.
Thank heavens.
After visiting Miri, I decided to come back to Minnesota for a month or two to help my mom move into a new house and hopefully make some money since I wasn’t doing anything of that nature in Bozeman for the last two months. Being in debt sucks. My oldest brother (Brad) graciously agreed to house me during this time. It’s nice spending more time around him since we didn’t grow up together. We currently have opposite work schedules, but we still get some bonding time.
I walk past Victoria’s Secret. Buckle. Express. I see people walking by. Parking their cars. Sitting in their cars, looking down at their smart phones. Wait…
…how many times in the last few weeks have I seen people just sitting in their cars on their phones?
I’m sure the number is alarmingly high. Is it because I’m walking through parking lots to get to work? Is there a correlation there? People on their work breaks? Texting before they drive to their next destination? I want to give people the benefit of the doubt, but of course my mind goes directly to the opposite assumption.
Do we not have anything better to do with our time?
“It’s hard to think of any tool, any instrument, any object in history with which so many developed so close a relationship so quickly as we have with our phones.” – Nancy Gibbs
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