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Updated on December 13, 2017

Winter 2017 Update

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To my audience-

Thank you for your continued support of The 50 Year Plan. My summer in Washington did not quite turn out as planned, and due to that, I will not be able to share content involving my experience with my hosts on the Olympic Peninsula.

That unfortunate situation ended around the same time that a family-related issue developed (October). I therefore decided to drive to Iowa in an effort to remedy the problem at home, knowing that it could take a number of months to resolve. The end of my time here is near.

After the holidays, I will be returning to my travels. I plan to visit some friends and find work through the remainder of the winter in order to fund the next year of T50YP. I look forward to the new places, faces, and experiences that await me. Thanks again for reading, watching, and caring.

-Nicholas

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Updated on September 11, 2017

May 30, 2017 – Trout Lake, Washington

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Clink. Clink, clink.

I cheers Karen and Stuart as we sit out on their deck for “happy hour.” My first and last with them. Their generosity and kindness will be remembered, as over the last month and a half they have hosted a few dinners, movie nights, etc. After my last massage with Karen earlier today, we thought that since I leave tomorrow, we should have one last gathering. We talk and laugh over appetizers and drinks. I share with them more information about my lifestyle and my plan. They tell me theirs, which is to move to Arizona for their retirement. They’ve certainly earned it.

Jack and Will arrive after finishing up some work. Food and drink are served. Clink. Clink, clink. I try to absorb as much of this moment as I can. I will miss these people. Jack asks Stuart about whether or not he sold a gun in the estate sale, which brings an earlier conversation with Will to the forefront of my mind.

“Will,” I look at him and say, “we never got to go shooting.” I tell the others, “Will has never fired a gun.”

This statement is met with some surprise from the elders. Karen tells us about her little .22 pistol and how she hasn’t fired it. Seems like the perfect time to do so. She retrieves the gun and shows us, although she’s not entirely sure how it works. It’s a double-shot Derringer, also known as a palm pistol. I’m immediately reminded of Tombstone and those old westerns in which women would carry such a weapon in their purse, garter belts, what have you.

We set up a box in the back yard about fifteen feet away. Karen shoots first; she misses twice. We realize that this gun is meant for much closer contact. Will gives it a go. He aims much higher than you would think to be accurate. Shoots twice, misses once. I give the gun a whirl. Shoot twice, miss once. Cute little thing.

We decide to wrap things up and I say my goodbyes to Karen and Stuart. In the morning I will do so with Kya, Jack, Will, and hopefully Jane before heading towards Port Angeles for the summer. Not that I hope to say them.

I hate goodbyes.

“Saying goodbye is a little like dying.” – Marjane Satrapi

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Posted on August 11, 2017

May 28, 2017 – Trout Lake, Washington

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My God, this feels incredible.

I inhale deeply. With my eyes closed, I listen to the frogs croaking in the nearby pond. Slow exhale. I feel my body cooling from the water in the cold tub. Inhale. I sense the peaceful nature of this environment and the people in it. Exhale. I open my eyes and admire the sunset through the trees. I embrace the change in color, the reduction of light.

After what felt like over half an hour in Jack’s sauna, I began to feel light headed. Nauseous. I better go cool off, I thought. I haven’t taken part in a proper sauna since Finland, Minnesota at the Abazs farm. It only took me six weeks to participate in Jack’s weekly sauna party, but I told myself that I had to do so before leaving his homestead. And here I am. Naked, submersed in a cold tub, loving every second of it.

Ready to call it good, I prepared to head inside. It was then that Jack came out of the sauna and asked, “You calling it quits, Nicholas?” and informed me that the tradition is four cycles of hot and cold (one cycle for each season). Well then. Back in the sauna I go. I was initially the first in, then Will and Jack, Tom, then Elona and Jane, Lincoln, Kya… just enough people to not be sitting on top of each other. In addition to the lovely conversations that occurred, Elona and Lincoln began singing (in seemingly traditional sauna culture):

“Who can sail where there is no wind?

Who without oars can go rowing?

Who can bear to walk away from friends,

without the tears a-flowing?

I can sail where there is no wind,

I without oars can go rowing.

But I cannot walk away from friends,

without the tears a flowing.”

Time for another cool down. This time I went to the nearby stream that runs through Jack’s land, which was just deep enough to fully cover my body. A remarkably refreshing rinse. I followed through with two more cycles, though they may have been shorter as I began to feel euphoric. Wobbly, even. My first full-length, tradition-following sauna experience.

Inside the house, we engaged in the usual pot-luck dinner. More conversation. Stories. Laughs. One by one, people began playing guitars and singing together. Jack even whipped out a dulcimer-style guitar that I had not yet seen. I would have normally retired to the loft by now, missing out on these moments.

To protect myself from getting closer to these people?

Protect myself from getting attached to this place?

“We’re caught by our thinking, our desires, our wants, our fears, our sense of self. All of these serve to remove us from the actual immediate, direct experience of this moment. It’s all out in the open, but we’re not really looking. Instead, we’re focused on what we think – and on what we expect to find.” – Steve Hagen

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Posted on August 7, 2017

May 18, 2017 – Trout Lake, Washington

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“That’s a great question…”

…I say to Will. But I don’t exactly know how to answer. He is inquiring about how I personally maintain lasting friendships while living this lifestyle. Easier said than done. Weeks ago, he had inquired about how I stay afloat financially, given his interest in pursuing this lifestyle for himself. I tell him what I can from my perspective and experience in these situations in hopes to help him in whatever way possible.

“Technology and social media definitely make things easier…”

But does scrolling through pictures of friends and “liking” them on occasion really substitute for keeping in touch? Engaging in conversation? Showing genuine interest in their life?

I admit to him that I’m not that great at maintaining a lot of friendships. Yes, there are a few people that I talk with on the phone from time to time or even via Skype. Others I will visit once a year, give or take. But mostly, I have to let them go. I share with him how I’ve embraced a more Buddhist mindset on the matter.

Nothing is permanent.

I want to take my own happiness out of my life’s equation.

We have to let things go. Let people go. Let love go.

Further, I divulge that leaving people behind in my travels is always the hardest part. How the relationships I develop are always the most memorable. That they are ultimately what make the experience what it is for me, good or bad. Stop me if you’ve heard me say this before.

But I see in Will a newly awakened sense of appreciation for human connection and friendship thanks in part to his recent experiences with work exchanges. A desire to cultivate lasting friendships that require more than a digital “nod” here and there. That can only be sustained through face-to-face interaction, experiencing life in the here-and-now, together, in a real and meaningful community.

For which there is no substitute.

“It is easy to see that the vast number of sentient beings hoping for happiness and seeking an end to suffering are more important than any one person. It is therefore eminently reasonable for you to commit yourself to the welfare of innumerable others, to use your body, speech, and mind for their good, and to abandon an attitude of just taking care of yourself.” – Dalai Lama XIV

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Posted on July 22, 2017

May 7, 2017 – Trout Lake, Washington

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Breathe in. One… breathe out. Two…

…I should have at least participated at the knap-in with the crew. Do I subconsciously use filming as an excuse not to try new things?

Back to one. Breathe in. Two… breathe out. Three…

…were my brother and father hauling boulders at the exact same time that we were yesterday? Jack’s resourcefulness reminds me of my dad. I’m glad he’s not working alone…

Back to one. Breathe in. Two… breathe out. Three… breathe in.

Damn it, meditation is hard. How does one clear their mind?

I’m participating in my first group meditation session at the Trout Lake Abbey, but struggling to count to ten without having thoughts invade my mind.

God, Jack’s mead was good. Especially the elderberry..

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Note to self: journal about filming Jack and Will starting a fire by friction with a hand drill. Jack teaching Will. Same day, Kya comes home and teaches Jack how to use his new iPhone. Kya teaching Jack. Recent discussions in which Will teaches Jack about British history, difference between fission and fusion, etc. Will teaching Jack. Describe how Jack has created an environment that breeds a constant exchange of information and education between generations.

Breathe in. One…

“Each new generation is reared by its predecessor; the latter must therefore improve in order to improve its successor. The movement is circular.” – Emile Durkheim

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Posted on July 15, 2017

May 1, 2017 – Trout Lake, Washington

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“Open the gates! Open the gates! Open the gates!”

…Everyone chants as Kirk (the Druid ceremony leader) paces quickly around the altar, slamming his staff down into the stone circle as he goes. Will and I are sitting across from each other and respectfully spectating rather than participating verbally in the ceremony. This is quite different from the druid ceremony with the Abazs family in Minnesota. I think back to that event from a couple years ago – a much more private gathering. Held at night. More romantic. Less flashy.

Not to say that I’m not enjoying myself, because I am. It’s always interesting to experience events like these, especially at a place such as the Trout Lake Abbey – a spiritual retreat center that features Druid and Buddhist constructs, statues, decorations, et cetera. We are somewhere in the middle of the proceedings:

The consecration of time (establishing that the ceremony is starting). Check.

The consecration of space (activating the sacred nature of the place through procession). Check.

Group chant. Centering, grounding, merging. Specifying the focus of the ritual and the Deities involved. Check, check, check. He tells a story about Rhiannon, who in Welsh mythology, was saved from an unwanted suitor by Pwyll. A friend of the unwanted suitor curses Rhiannon in return, making her barren for a number of years. Dramatic and macabre events ensue.

And now we’re on to invoking the Gate Keeper. Kirk is quite the entertainer and doesn’t take himself too seriously, despite the fact that they are filming part of the ritual. He is also very mindful and respectful when it comes to each participant’s desired level of engagement.

More invocations. More chants. The clouds darken as a cold front continues to move in.

Time for the sacrifices. The Gods are hungry, after all. Kirk lights a fire in the altar and one by one, participants throw various items into the fire after praising one of the Gods. Eggs, fruits, chocolates… things of the like. Each time, everyone states: “(chosen God), accept our offering.” Kirk recites the prayer of sacrifice. Performs the Seeing of the Omen. Prepares for the receiving of the returned power. Thanks the entities invoked.

“Close the gates! Close the gates! Close the gates!”

Kirk paces quickly around the altar in the opposite direction as he did before. I should’ve worn something warmer. We then consume the libation as a whole. We form a circle and join hands, ending the ceremony with a prayer. Will dances the may pole with seven others from the group as I watch from a distance.

Then it hits me: I just participated in a random Druid ceremony with a guy from England who randomly ended up in Trout Lake, Washington thanks to some Minnesotans he randomly encountered in Williams, Oregon.

If I believed in the Gods of yore, I would thank them for my blessed, random life.

“Expose yourself to as much randomness as possible.” – Ben Casnocha

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Posted on July 9, 2017

April 26, 2017 – Trout Lake, Washington

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Over two years in, but here’s another first.

I’m sitting at Jack’s neighbor’s house (Karen and Stuart) eating dinner with them and three travelers who arrived earlier today – Will from England, and Leah and Alex from Minnesota. Will is staying and working with Jack and I; Leah and Alex with Karen and Stuart.

Neighbors that are both hosts to travelers.

It’s like a small version of my vision coming to fruition. I fail to ask, but I wonder which one of them was the first to do so? I imagine an entire neighborhood of hosts. How much will these organizations grow? How much good could be accomplished?

I engage Alex and Leah in some Midwest-related small talk. Where they’re from. Where I’ve been. Why I’m here. Turns out they’ve been living this way for a couple years, but Will is reasonably new to the lifestyle. In fact, they just met Will at their last stay and decided to bring him along to Trout Lake.

Another first.

I have not encountered anyone yet who had done such a thing with a fellow traveler, though I’ve dreamt about the possibility. I would certainly do the same if given the opportunity. I even invited the last person I was involved with to come with me. Having a traveling companion (short or long-term) would definitely alter my experience.

Would I really want to do that?

“Pleasure and pain, though directly opposite are contrived to be constant companions.” – Pierre Charron

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Posted on July 2, 2017

April 25, 2017 – Trout Lake, Washington

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I have better things to do with my time.

I barely even know these people.

Kya is only seventeen.

Are these legitimate reasons to avoid participating in a sauna with Jack and his family and friends, or just petty excuses? I delve into my psyche to determine the validity of my thought process, only to unveil weakness.

Public nudity is outside of my comfort zone.

I’m scared to be that open with people because I know what it leads to.

If I avoid connecting with others, it will be less painful when I leave.

I join everyone afterward for a potluck-style dinner, continuing to shield myself from too much conversation or connection. I sneak away early. Get back to work on my project.

Distract myself from confronting my weakness.

“Man can and does rationalize his sins. He finds reasons for all his weakness, invents excuses that first calm and then deaden his conscience. He blames God, society, education, and environment for his wrong doing.” – Mother Angelica

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Posted on June 26, 2017

April 24, 2017 – Trout Lake, Washington

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It’s times like these.

Times like these when I question the extent of my own control over my path. A couple weeks before I left Big Sky, I took a hard fall onto my left shoulder while snowboarding. Nothing felt broken, so I figured the pain and tightness would dissipate over time.

They did not.

I informed Jack about the situation as to avoid any further stress to the injury while working for him. I told him about my lack of health insurance, and despite that, my desire to get my shoulder checked out in case I did break or tear something. He advised either seeing the doctor in town that provided a very affordable consultation, or having Karen (his next door neighbor/fellow host/ex-wife/massage therapist) do some work on it.

I haven’t had a massage in years…

I opted to see Karen, who offered one full hour of massage in exchange for two and a half hours of work. Deal. I immediately felt a difference in my range of motion after she finished. A couple more sessions may just do the trick.

Is it really just a coincidence that I stumbled across such an opportunity?

“One of the great cosmic laws, I think, is that whatever we hold in our thought will come true in our experience. When we hold something, anything, in our thought, then somehow coincidence leads us in the direction that we’ve been wishing to lead ourselves.” – Richard Bach

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Posted on June 21, 2017

April 20, 2017 – Trout Lake, Washington

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Carolla, you are my constant.

The thirteen-hour drive from Bozeman, Montana to Trout Lake, Washington would certainly have been a lot lonelier without my podcasts. I’ve actually been listening to Adam and Dr. Drew since I was a teenager and they worked on “Loveline” together, but over the past few years, their podcasts have really made an impact on me and got me through a vast number of lonely days.

There were plenty of beautiful sights on the way. Missouri Headwaters State Park in Montana. Lake Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. Spokane, Washington’s riverfront park. Endless mountains, then endless prairie. The Columbia River Gorge.

I met my new host (Jack) in White Salmon, where he was watching his daughter participate in a track meet. We spectated and conversated for a couple hours before he guided me to his homestead outside of Trout Lake. He seems very gentle and kind. Jack’s place is tucked away on the Eastern edge of the valley. A short walk provides a wide-open view of the nearby Mt. Adams. A stream runs through his property. A trailhead begins fifty feet from the house.

This appears to be an immensely calm, beautiful, and peaceful environment.

I pause Carolla’s voice mid-rant and turn off my iPod. To be continued, my friend. Jack shows me around the place and I get settled in to my spot in the loft, calling it a night.

My home for the next six weeks.

“…life isn’t a niche, life is life. If you stay in that one little place, how are you going to feel alive?” – Bernie Glassman

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